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Living In The Cancer Alarm Mode Can Scare The Pants Off You!The cancer alarm mode is ringing. Yesterday, John and Elizabeth Edwards announced to the world that Elizabeth’s cancer has returned. Myself and the entire world say their prayers and hopeful good wishes for the Edwards family. Having just completed a successful, thank God, bout with cancer myself, I am especially impacted by the Edward’s disclosure. **I have colon cancer I contracted colon cancer 1 ½ years ago. Actually, the cancer began in my appendix and then moved into my colon. Soon as I was notified of the disease, I was in a constant state of “inner terror”, the cancer alarm mode. Yeah me, ex-Marine and 2nd Degree Black Belt. My first thoughts were “Does this mean I am going to die?”. Holy @%##?! After I calmed down and thought the entire process through, I moved away from the emotions of fear and went into what I call the “positive worry” mode. Being a basic God fearing person, I spent a lot of time on my knees, imploring the Almighty to perform His miracles and give me a break! **Chemo and radiation coming up The Docs told me I should probably go through chemo and radiation. They said “should”, not need to or have to. I thought about the entire matter. Shortly thereafter, I decided to take radiation and the chemo pills. The docs had me do both simultaneously. I told the radiation guy, “I don’t care if you put me in a microwave oven, just get rid of the “stuff”. I made up my mind, I was going to do this “trip” like a real soldier. No whining. Keep smiling and make the best of it. Matter of fact, the two nurses who operated the radiation machine were real comedians. We both kept each other joking and laughing all the time. I actually looked forward to going down to the radiation hot zone. I thanked God for their wonderful hip loose attitude. It kept me out of the cancer alarm mode! If they would have been all so serious and formal I would probably have been scared to death. **Give me draino At night, I would run to the mirror and look at myself. “Hey Jackie, you look good. No pain or strain in your face. Hell bells Mary Lou, I can drink draino. I am Super Duper Man. Like,nothing can hurt or phase me”. I had no pain or nausea. “Whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make proud”, eh? That’s me alright. You got me. In the middle of the fourth week of my radiation treatment, “all hell broke loose”. I lost my appetite and I didn’t want to drink anything. Plus, I started with the “hip cups”. they wouldn’t stop! **I ended up in the hospital Long story short, I ended up in the hospital for 18 days. I had a serious case of “too much radiation”. The chemo may have also contributed to the mess. Whatever. I lost 25 lbs. They thought I was going to die. (For real!) I also got pneumonia. Diarrah and nausea were my steadfast companions. Man, the suckers were giving it to me right and left. I felt like Mohammed Ali on the ropes and old George Foreman was taking my head off. My radiation Doc would come into see me and just stand there shaking his head, “I don’t understand it”. One doc came in my room and told me, “You are going to be like this, the rest of your life.” I became furious, and I channeled what little strength I had, sat up, and said,” Like hell I will”. **Round #3 Now, going to round #3- I finally got out of the hospital and eventually got my stomach and digestive system in a “semblance” of normalcy. Not perfect, but as well as could be expected. My radiation doctor told me I was the sorriest sickest patient he has ever seen. That’s me, always going for a “home run”. **Scaring the daylights out of me My surgeon who cut out my cancer told me, “In six months I want you to get a CT scan. Sometimes these cancers come back and move up to the abdomen or sometimes these cancers reappear in an area where they originated. Or, you may just be cured”. Hey,Cancer Alarm Mode, here I am again. There goes my “detachment and tough guy attitude". I am back in the ringer of pure terror. **Worst things then dying So, what happens? You live with these thoughts. Like me, you come to the conclusion that there are worst things that can happen to you then dying. I kid you not. This really happens. I know I am not the only one that comes to this fatalism. Don’t get me wrong. I want to live! I want to be here for my love ones. But, Jesus H, there is only so much junk the mind can take before it becomes almost detached and accepting. Anyway, six months later and having lived in the alarm mode, I got my CT scan. And…whoopee, I am clean and clear. So my surgeon gives me the ok on this CT scan report and tells me to not take no for an answer and get a colonoscopy. Make sure the cancer hasn’t returned! Bang! Now I am back into the Alarm Mode. So I get the colonoscopy. The good doctor tells me I am home free and everything is ok! **No guarantees in life Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. I am ecstatic. For now anyway. I know there are no guarantees in life. I could care less. I am just enjoying the present. I can’t tell you how good life feels and tastes, for that matter. I believe my focus on getting back in shape physically, helped me a lot. Plus, my immune system benefited from the strong exercise schedule I put myself through 6 days a week. I run, swim and lift weights. 1 - 1 ½ hours a day. I am close to regaining all of the strength I lost when cancer hit me. Check these links out for your reference and inspiration.
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